Everybody's Got a Little Larceny in Them: On White Christmas and Christian Media

by Ted Kluck

Let me begin by saying that I love “White Christmas” (1954, Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye) without qualification.  It is very corny and very 1950s (which, apparently, smart people are supposed to hate[1]) and I love every second of it.  That said, there’s a particular second that I love more than the others:  the little scene in the first act when Bing Crosby’s character (a famous singer) explains to Rosemary Clooney’s character (a non-famous young singer) that “Everybody’s got a little larceny in them.” 

What he means is that at his age – mid-career, successful – everybody he meets is working an angle.  Everybody wants to pitch their project, meet his agent, or just spend an evening siphoning off his money or fame.  Even the way he partnered with Danny Kaye’s character was emblematic of this – inasmuch as Kaye would never let him forget about how Crosby “saved his life” in the war…by which I mean pulled him out of the way of a handful of bricks tumbling down from a few feet above his head (it was 1954, effects-wise, after all).  He at least saved him from concussion protocol.  But the point is that Kaye’s character leveraged that moment, rhetorically, for the balance of the story and Crosby’s character was well aware of it while still maintaining an ostensible friendship that made Kaye’s character famous. 

Their relationship, like many media relationships, was complicated. 

I love that scene because at various points in my life I’ve been both parties – the young, probably-super-annoying, wide-eyed, “I’m gonna make it in publishing and live my dreams!” guy, and the older, wizened, world-weary “I’ve made it but I’m not appreciably happier because in God’s economy success doesn’t make you happier” guy. 

I also love it for how true it is, and how it stands as Exhibit A of how even though “White Christmas” scans as kind of corny, it’s actually a really thoughtful treatise on vocation (via Bob, the General[2], etc.), friendship (is Danny Kaye’s character a careerist scumbag?), complications in friendship, meddling (desk lady anyone?[3]) and ultimately love. 

It’s true, also, in our business.  In the 2022/3 Christian media landscape, everybody definitely has (bare minimum) a little bit of larceny in them.  There was a time in which I thought the guy sidling up to me at the conference or the guy writing me a fan letter just wanted to be friends.  How silly I was.  The guy actually wants to meet me so that he can meet my agent, maybe co-write a couple of books together, maybe do his own books, maybe join my podcast or do his own podcast, maybe co-write a movie that will never get made, etc.  What he doesn’t realize is that none of those things will make him happy and none of them will really make him any money.  He is also, for sure, a pastor, which further complicates things and makes them gradations more gross. 

My only-in-spirit colleague Carl Trueman has been sounding warning bells about this particular brand of gross platforming and shameless-fame-chasing for years now – to which most pastors and seminary types have replied by saying, “Hold my steaming mug of single-origin coffee while I tweet 23 times and pursue fame like it’s my literal job.”

The larceny line soon gets lost in the fact that a minute or two later, Crosby and Kaye are dressed up as women[4] which is a part of a madcap plan to shake their new girlfriends free of the long arm of the law, and like all madcap plans involves climbing out a window, into a taxicab, and ultimately jumping onto a moving train.  I love this movie. 

Ultimately, “White Christmas” doesn’t deal with the “Is Danny Kaye’s character a careerist scumbag” question.  Probably because the answer is too complicated for a feel-good Christmas movie[5].[6][7]  Just as it is sometimes too complicated for real life.  The fact of the matter is, for every climber who has chatted me up just to use me and meet my agent, one or two have turned out to be non-climbers, great dudes, and friends for life.

But still, for pastors, for Christians, I think Crosby’s line is worth thinking about.  Do I want to be known for my “hustle” – the fact that I have a little always-presenting larceny in me?  Or do I want to be known for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control? 

They don’t have to be mutually-exclusive, but let’s face it, they usually are.

Note: NFL Draft content is coming soon for paid subscribers!

---

[1] Take note of the beautiful mid-century sofa and then reflect on how that selfsame beautiful sofa is symbolically a prison for someone in an oppressed people group. 

[2] Basically a few lines on how hard it is to get a regular job after you’ve spent years leading hundreds of men into battle.  This is trenchant and real and again makes “White Christmas” more than a corny movie.

[3] She has no conscience about almost ruining their relationship, at any point in the movie.

[4] Kaye’s character always seems just a little too comfortable with this. 

[5] “White Christmas” by Noah Baumbach:  Bob is a gay, depressed college professor with a penchant for tennis.

[6] “White Christmas” by Wes Anderson: Bob is a depressed antiquities dealer in Paris.

[7] “White Christmas” by Christopher Nolan: Bob is in space.  But also in the past.  And the future.